To Catch and Be Caught
by InsaneDutchGirl
Summary: Michelangelo tries to be the superhero he always longed to be but soon discovers that your dreams don't always line up with reality. A story about catching and falling. Rated T because of disturbing content.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, you guys! So I can all hear you think, where the hell has she been?! Well, on a camping trip is one but what caused the delay of most of my stories is actually this two-shot hehe. It kept bugging me and then I started writing and I couldn't stop and when I was done I just wanted it to be perfect so I spent days doing the finishing touches. And then I thought it was too sad so I added another chapter and there you have it. Weeks spent on a story so you better like it or all that hard work has been for nothing :'(**

 **Okay, this story is like kinda dark but I guess that's me, judging on the reviews I often get XD It just happened as I went on, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Because it's a little darker I guess it's also not so much based on 2k12. The idea came to me when I was watching the movie** _ **Freedom Writers**_ **. Oh and there's also an OC and I know you're all thinking, the hell why is she having an OC? But I promise, you probably like it (or maybe not so much) so just read alright?**

 **Enough of my blabbering now, enjoy!**

When the world comes crashing down

 _At some point in my life I felt like I was a superhero. I mean, who wouldn't when they were part of a kick-ass team that saves the day, or rather night, regularly and makes sure the crooks of the city are locked up behind bars? And to me it was a dream come true, I felt amazing when another human was able to get back home safely because of us. But like everything else in life, things changed when I least expected it to. The other side of being the hero of a city like New York decided to give me a major reality-check. It was the part of the job that showed me that even when you're a superhero, you can fail. And that it doesn't have to be fair when something like that happens._

Oh man, this is awesome! When was the last time I managed to get the guys to play a game of ninja-tag with me anyways? It's probably been way too long because when I asked Leo he hardly tried to steal himself against my puppy-dog-pout. Yeah I know, a little childish of me but I really wanted to play around with them again, it has been too long. Lately everyone is stressed with all the Footclan activity. Leo is sure Shredder is planning something big and we need to be on high-alert, according to him. Well, we've been on 'high-alert' for possibly months already and nothing has happened so far yet, except that we have to beat up some more Foot-clowns every night. It's getting on all of our nerves, even Donnie's, that we can hardly do anything because sensei forbids us to go out except for patrol. Luckily we can always count on our fearless leader Leonardo to keep a level head when the enemy changes tactics, _not_.

But tonight we have a lucky break, we haven't seen a single Foot-member all night and even Brooklyn is rather calm for a Friday evening. And that says something, there's always trouble in Brooklyn.

I know everyone is still tense though so that's why I talked them into some ninja-tag, fun to play and still somewhat like ninja-training to sway Leo over. Not that much was needed for that, I think he feels a little guilty because he kept us on such a tight rein lately while there hasn't really been a good reason for it. Sure we all know he's worried over us but his paranoia shouldn't mean we can't have some fun every once in a while, right? And who knows, maybe our number-one student and leader has grown a little bored himself. You can say a lot about my elder brother but he's still a teenager, just like us. He needs to let go of himself every once in a while too.

Anyways, I found the perfect hiding spot. I'm on top of some old water tower and when you crouch in just the right position, the shadows conceal you almost entirely. Also, because the water tower is the highest structure around here, it's a good vintage point to see anyone coming. So whenever one of my brothers does manage to find me, I can still easily out-run them.

I snicker inwardly at the prospect of my victory. The last turtle to be found and get caught can chose one of his chores and delegate it to another of his brothers. It's a rule we have made up a long time ago and it's the reason why me and Raph are so competitive in this game. We always chose each other and since I'm in charge of cleaning the kitchen after meals, Raph is going to have to say bye-bye to his wrestling match tomorrow night because there will be a whole bunch of dishes and kitchen utensils ready for him to clean. Especially because I'm cooking lasagne.

I feel light with mischief and a titbit of suspense and nerves pricking at the insides of my stomach. This is a game after all and we're ninja. We're all highly skilled in surprise-acts and I lost count on the many times that one of my brothers jumped me and caused me a heart-attack in the process.

I let a smile grace my lips but it falls when my eyes catch a dark silhouette a little further from where I'm sitting. I take in a quick breath but it's obviously not one of my bros. It's hard to see, even with my awesome ninja-night-vision and all. I don't think it's an adult, the body seems too short and slender to be over teenage-years but it isn't the posture of a child either. That isn't what catches my attention though. What bothers me is that this kid isn't only for some reason standing on top of an apartment building, but also that he or she is scarily close to the edge.

A heavy feeling drops into the pit of my stomach and all of the sudden I can't swallow the lump that's stuck in my dry throat. It isn't like… No, of course not. All this worrying and paranoia lately is making me think in the worst-case-scenarios. Yet I can't shake this feeling of that there is something wrong. I want to get away from this place but somehow my eyes are fixed onto the sight in front of me. I've seen the aftermath of a case like this before and it really scared me then. I had been having nightmares for weeks on end because of it, them becoming so bad my family decided to ban me from coming topside again until my mind found some peace and rest.

My attention is turned back to the sight in front of me and all it takes is one more step from the dark shadow on the other side of the roof. It's a hesitant step but it brings him another couple of inches closer to the edge and from there on there it's only a long way down into some dirty alleyway. I can't handle it and before I know it I barrel into the figure, hoping, praying that this stupid kid is worth it or I'll never hear the end of it from Splinter _and_ Splinter-Junior. Probably Raph too, if he thinks I put myself in harm's way on top of risking exposure to yet another human. Donnie will probably leave me alone but look at me with this 'you-brought-this-all-onto-yourself-so-I'm-not-going-to-help-you-out' smirk _while_ I'm being lectured.

"What the hell man?!"

Definitely a boy's voice. It has an accent to it, I think something like African? His hair feels soft and curly when one of my hand brushes past his head and when I get a better look at him I can see his skin is almost as black as those curls. His eyes pierce mine, an angry dark-brown burning holes through me and I wonder how it is that I don't drop dead right then and there.

The fury is quickly replaced by disbelief though and it reminds me again of what a sticky situation I put myself in _again_. I think of getting away, to just run before he can call anyone and get me into more trouble than I already am. But for some reason I don't. Because he doesn't only look angry and confused, his eyes show me he is upset. And all of the sudden that eerie feeling comes back. Maybe he tried to do… _the act_ after all. If so, me running away now wouldn't do him any good. I tackled him after all, can't leave him hanging now. In for a penny, in for a pound, isn't that what they say?

"Hey, are you alright?" I try. My voice is a little unsteady. Can you blame me? This is the third human I've ever talked to in my life and the first I'm meeting on my own, without back up from my brothers or sensei. It's a little scary, especially because I know it only takes _one_ human to tear our little family apart. And I would never forgive myself if I endangered my brothers and father this way. But hey, I'm the youngest and according to Raph doing stupid things is in our blood. This most certainly qualifies as something stupid a little brother would do so for now I think I'm gonna blame my DNA.

"What are you?" the kid breathes, staring at me with wide eyes. Oops, he looks a little agitated, his eyes sending a nasty look my way. I decide to show him I mean no harm and reach out with my hand. He doesn't seem that scared because he grabs it and lets me haul him up. He isn't that much bigger than I am. He wears a ripped pair of jeans and a black t-shirt of _The Beatles_. A soft blue zip up hoodie is thrown next to the edge of the rooftop and I wouldn't have noticed it if it wasn't for the colour. It makes me think of the mask of my eldest brother.

"I'm a turtle, I guess," I say, giving him a grin and shaking the hand I still hold. I hope I can get him to laugh a little. I don't want to let him see that I'm probably more nervous than he is at the moment. "I'm Michelangelo, but everyone calls me Mikey."

He narrows his eyes for a moment and studies me before returning the gesture. "The name is Jason. My buddies call me Diablo though."

There is confidence in his voice and it surprises me. Most people are afraid of someone like me. I turn my head to the side, letting go of his hand this time. "Why Diablo?"

He laughs and claps his hand on my shoulder, making me flinch but only a little. I just hadn't expected him to touch me again, like we were friends already. I can't help the jaw-breaking grin that comes after. _Did I just make a friend?_ It could be. He doesn't look scared of me which is good. And he seems like a pretty nice guy. Most kids like him would've threatened someone they didn't know, especially when they knock them to the ground. Me and my bros have stopped millions of street-fights that started out that way.

"Oh my pals are morons. They think everyone with a dark skin is from Mexico. Diablo is Spanish for Devil, they thought it was fitting."

I take a step back, frowning when one of his teeth is shining more than it should in the city lights. When I look a little closer I can see one of his front teeth is gold instead of white. Where did he get that? In a fight?

"Is it fitting?" I ask him, a little more hesitant. Pfff, look at me. I'm a humanoid turtle trained as a martial artist and yet I'm frightened by a kid. Point is though, I don't know this boy at all and for all I know he's a dangerous fighting-machine or maybe holding a gun to shoot my lights out. Donnie is right, I jump into things without a second of thought. Who says this guy can be trusted anyways? On the other hand, as long as we remain unseen I think I'm pretty safe. I can take this kid hands down as long as he doesn't have a weapon. And if he goes to the police to tattle-tale that he saw a mutated turtle, he'll probably only be tested for either drugs and booze or a concussion.

"Oh yeah it fits, but not the way you think," he gives me a kinda creepy smile but it looks friendly nevertheless. "I'm a skater you know, painted a trident on my board cuss I thought it looked cool. Won quite a bit of tournaments later on so they gave me that as a stage-name."

I grin and let my previous worry stream out of my body, bouncing up and down from the balls of my feet. "That. Is. Awesome! I'm a skater too. One of the best if I say so myself."

I cross my arms and try to stand a little straighter to even-out the height difference, but Jason doesn't look that impressed. "I bet you're one of the best _turtles_ I've ever seen skating but since I haven't heard from you in any of the tournaments, I'm not convinced you'd place yourself within human ranks."

I think he notices the frown on my face because his smirk drops as soon as he said that. I shrug it off but Jason doesn't dismiss it that easily.

"God, I'm stupid. Hey, I'm sorry man. Didn't mean to offend ya or something. That was a pretty stupid thing ta say. I was just messin' with ya. People do it often enough with me, cuss I'm black and all."

I give him a disarming smile again. Sure it sucks to look different than most people. I've been wanting to do competitions in skateboarding ever since me and Raph saw our first one when we snuck out some day. But no way Sensei would let me, even if I went in disguise. We all know how dangerous it is to be around humans, especially in daylight. And if we do we can't direct any attention to ourselves, it'd basically be suicide.

"That's okay, people say idiotic things around me all the time. They are just too amazed by the awesomeness that is me to keep their head on straight."

"You ain't one for modesty, are ya," he laughs, throwing a fist against my arm again but in a friendly way. I like it. It makes me think of my older brother, Raph. "How old are you actually?" I ask him next to keep the conversation going. I want to know a little more of him.

He shrugs and cards a hand through his hair. "Probably older than you are," he says. "But I don't know, isn't it that turtles get like, crazily old?"

I laugh and shake my head slightly. "Well, I'm half-human so I don't think I'm gonna get that old. My father is half human and half rat and he's way older than most rats can get."

Jason's eyes practically bulge out of his sockets when he stares at me. "Your dad is a rat? What is your _mom_?"

I laugh even harder and he quickly follows although he looks at me a bit unsure. "We're adopted," I explain when I can breathe again. "Something weird happened when I was little, to him too, and so we became a family because we had no one else."

Jason nods, his eyes a little distant as he's thinking about what I just told him. I hope he doesn't ask further on what exactly happened to us, I don't really want to explain it all to him. It'd be dangerous too, to give him so much information.

"But uhm… I'm eighteen now," I continue, looking at him expectantly.

"Yeah, same here, almost nineteen though," he says. "I would invite you to my party but that's gonna be so boring I'll spare you that."

I grin back at him when he says that. I know he said it was going to be boring just because he didn't want to say the real reason out loud. It feels good though, to get my very first invitation to a party. Even when it's impossible to actually go.

I look him over again, this time out of interest mostly. He does look younger than nineteen, I had thought he would be three or four years older than that. He is very long as well but maybe that's because of his built.

"What is someone like you doing here anyways," I blurt out all of the sudden, not thinking about my words really as I'm still fascinated by the human in front of me.

It's then that I notice how he tenses and his eyes widen a little. He turns away from me slightly and motions for me to follow him instead of answering. He climbs the water tower and sits down on the spot I occupied not too long ago. I jump after him, doing a somersault in mid-air. Jason mutters 'show-off' when I come to sit next to him but then starts to gaze at the streets below.

"I uhm… just wanted to be alone for a little while. Thought a rooftop would be a good place for that. Not that much people wandering around here. Didn't take giant talking turtles into account but they say those make good company."

I smile at the obvious compliment but he doesn't even look at me. He stares forlornly into the distance and I follow his line of sight. There isn't much down there, just a couple of boys smoking outside a café. Wait a minute… Those aren't just cigarettes, are they? I narrow my eyes to zero in on the café, which isn't that much of a café either. Damn.

I scan my eyes over the rest of the streets and swallow thickly. Oops, should have paid more attention to where I was going. The guys are going to kill me.

This is one of the few streets we aren't allowed to come alone. They're the worse-off neighbourhoods and me and my brothers have seen enough of this to know that what happens here at night isn't pretty. Mostly the people around here aren't much of a threat so it isn't that dangerous except for a couple of maniacs solely here to hurt others. Leo doesn't want us to see the people living in these places though, they're very broken. And honestly, after the first time I saw a crack-addict beating up a child because he thought the kid had his drugs, I'm glad we have a rule to never go out here alone.

I turn my head and watch Jason curiously. I wonder what he's doing here. Sure, looking for some alone-time, I get that my bros need it often as well. But what is he doing in this neighbourhood? And at one in the morning, for that matter.

"So why are _you_ up here?" The question startles me a little and for a moment I wonder if I should tell him the truth. He watches me curiously. He really does seem nice. And why not tell the truth, it isn't like he can do something bad with what I'm telling him anyways.

"I was playing a game with my brothers actually. I was hiding up here but then I saw you."

He nods before asking: "You got brothers?"

Again I pause for a moment to consider what I'm going to tell him. This is way more personal than talking about a game. On the other hand what's wrong with telling him about my bros? As long as I don't tell him any specific info on where to find us or whatever, what's the deal?

"Yeah three older ones actually. First you have Leo, he's very bossy but he's got good advice too. Raph is a bit of a hothead, like the type that beats you up over stupid things. In the end he's most fun to hang out with though. Donnie is a major geek and I'm pretty sure he can make an atomic bomb if he tries. But he isn't into that, mostly he just fixes my stuff and makes me new things."

"They sound pretty cool," Jason says and I nod. "Sometimes I can't stand them though. Then they're so boring and don't know how to have some fun. Or they keep chasing me out because they need 'privacy'. That's when I pay them back with a prank."

The wind around us starts to pick up a little and above I see dark clouds covering the sky. I think it's going to rain soon but neither of us makes a move to leave. I like this guy, even though I don't know him that well yet.

"You have any siblings?" I ask him, figuring that it'd be best to _get_ to know him before I decide if I should meet up with him more. He's pretty cool so far, maybe we can go out skating sometime. I smirk. Show him how a real pro looks like on a board, turtle or not.

"Yeah," he answers my previous question. "I have an older sister. Dianne. I don't see her that much though."

"Why?" I ask but he just shrugs his shoulders.

"She moved out. Married some asshole and moved to Seattle. I don't really miss her, she always fights with my dad."

I knit my eyebrows together in thought. I don't know why but I find it hard to believe he finds the situation as easy to cope with as he's letting on. Me and my bros obviously have a strong bond and I know most human children aren't like that. For the first fifteen years all we had was each other so we've grown to be more than just brothers. We're best friends. Human children have a lot of other people to choose from other than their family. But to have your sister moving away and hardly seeing her again, that must hurt. Not to mention having your sibling and dad fight so much.

"Where do you go to school?" I try to get away from our previous subject, I can see how it makes Jason uncomfortable. Plus, I've always wanted to go to high school. They seem so cool in the movies and there are so many friends, parties to go to and sports games to see.

"I don't really go to school anymore," Jason tells me. "I went to high school for a while but I thought it was useless. You got to enjoy your freedom while you still have it, you know what I mean."

I don't really but I nod anyways. I guess school does get boring after a while. Master Splinter taught us the basics, reading and writing of course. Also math but our master couldn't really remember anything from that past primary school subtractions, additions and fractions. He told us about the knowledge of the world around us that he knew till we were around twelve. That's when our daily lessons stopped, being replaced by ninja training completely. Other things we learned from TV, the internet, books we found or April.

"Must be great to be you," Jason says. "Turtles obviously don't go to school or work. Hanging out all day seems like a perfect life to me."

"Hey, now you make me sound like I'm lazy," I quip. "And I'm not really hanging out all day. Me and my bros are ninjas actually, we train a lot with our sensei. By the way, during the day there's hardly anything to do, it isn't like we can come out and expose ourselves to the world. That's why we come out at night, fighting scum and bad guys and all. We're basically heroes."

Jason snorts in amusement but he doesn't ridicule me. Somehow I thought he wouldn't believe me if I told him I was also trained in ninjutsu. It's one thing to meet a teenaged turtle who is a kick-ass skateboarder and looks as handsome as I do. To have that same turtle practising an age-old form of martial arts together with his brothers and have him saving the city practically every day, I have to admit that sounds far-fetched even to _me_.

"It explains the flip though, that looked pretty cool. Can you do more?"

I shrug and jump down back onto the roof. It's getting colder so I don't mind some physical action. I grab one of the nunchaku in my belt and chose one of the simpler katas I've practised with Master Splinter these last few months.

"Okay, this one is called Maezato no Nunchaku, meaning Nunchaku from Maezato who was the founder of this kata. This form is performed with only one nunchaku," I finish, holding up my weapon in case he doesn't know what a nunchaku is.

I bow out of habit and see Jason watching me curiously. Quickly I execute the first move, placing my left leg behind me and moving my 'chuck in front of me in a defensive position. I lose myself into the fluid motions easily, enjoying the rush of feeling my skin and weapon cutting through the air in a deadly dance. Don't get me wrong, I'm not that much into katas, I think they're kinda boring. But sometimes it's a good way to feel one with your own body again. To control every movement and know what you are capable of. To know where your weapon is at all times and to relax because you are certain of the movements you have memorized so well already.

For me the kata is over too soon so in the end I keep going, making up a few more moves just for fun. When I'm done I bow again. Jason startles me out of my concentration with a loud whistle.

"That was crazy, dude!" he shouts from up the water tower. I can't help but let the tingling feeling across my cheeks take over, a blush forming along my cheekbones. I don't know why exactly, I've done this millions of times before. Maybe it's just nice to know that someone is impressed by what I can do as a martial artist. My bros and father are much better than I am most of the time so a compliment like this, I haven't had many of those before. I mean, I know that in the middle of the kata my arm wasn't stretched out all the way and that the swing near the ending should've been executed after taking the next step forward, not during it. If I were home that would be the only thing Master Splinter would tell me.

But Jason doesn't know all that and maybe that's why having a friend is so nice. They don't know everything about you, just the part you want them to know. You can start all over again.

"Can you bring my jacket up? It's getting really cold up here." Again I forget all about him and almost trip when the voice rings through my ears. I really should pay more attention tonight, _man_.

"Uh… sure dude!"

I jog over to where the my new friend's blue jacket is still bunched up in a corner. When I pick it up though, something white falls out of one of the pockets and softly lands back on the rooftop. I pick it up and notice the rushed scrabble on one of the sides of the folded paper. _To the assholes that are my family_ , I read and swallow. Should I…

Before I know it I unfold the paper which turns out to be a letter. My eyes fly over the lines and with every word the pounding in my head gets worse. From somewhere in the background I can hear Jason shouting at me. I don't pay him any attention though, I keep reading until the boy has run up to me himself.

Jason snatches the letter out of my hand, actually growling at me through his clenched teeth. He casts an angry glare my way. "Stay outta my stuf, dude!" he screams in my face.

I stay calm, look at him with what must be disbelief in my eyes. Jason is wheezing hard, he probably ran fast when he saw what I was doing. I want to say something, anything, but I don't know what. What can you say to someone who has already chosen to be silent forever?

"You were going to jump?"

He doesn't move an inch while he keeps eye-contact. He looks like he is ready to explode but I don't flinch. I have experience with people like that, Raph can look way more intimidating if he wants to. Not to forget Donnie when I mess something up in his lab again or Leo when I take one of his lessons less serious than he thinks I should. However, this is a stranger and I have no idea what he'll do because unlike my brothers, he doesn't care enough to keep himself from hurting me.

"Thought you had already figured that out. Why stop me if you didn't know?" he asks, his voice not even half as harsh as his glare. He has a point though. I knew what he was going to do or I wouldn't have intervened. It doesn't matter what Donnie says, I do think my actions through somewhat. I wouldn't be talking to this kid right now if I hadn't considered him committing suicide. I just don't like to think about it. And when he talked to me, being so nice and us having fun together, I want to dismiss the thought. To forget it like most things I don't like to be remembered of.

He walks away, standing back at the edge and watching over the neighbourhood. I don't move because I'm afraid he'll do stupid things if I come too close. But I'm not going to leave him here either, I couldn't even do that when I didn't know him yet. And now, I know so little of him and yet it feels like we're friends. I hope he feels the same way and will listen.

"I'm sorry," I say because I really mean it. I'm not sure what he had to put up with all his life but the bits and pieces of the letter I've read give me a pretty good hunch. His sister and dad have been fighting badly ever since his mom has died of an overdose. Half a year ago his sis then decided to leave the family and leave Jason with an abusive dad who practically drinks himself to death. And all he ever wanted was to see his mom again but no one paid attention to how much he was hurting. The last straw was his dad kicking him out yesterday.

"Ya got nothin' to be sorry for." His voice is rough and I think he is upset. He is turned with his back towards me though so I can't see his face. "Just go Mike, it'll be better that way."

But I don't go. If I leave now I'll never be able to forgive myself. Jason is a good kid, he really is. And if it was so easy to befriend him for a little while maybe I can change his mind. Man, I would even take him with me to the lair just to keep him from killing himself. We could find him a home, I'm sure of it. I bet Master Splinter can even be persuaded to have him live with us if we can't.

He turns around slightly and I smile, hoping to put him at ease a little. He growls though. "Leave! It doesn't matter if ya stop me from jumping tonight. I'm gonna get killed anyway, I don't have a place to live, remember? You don't know what it is like down there Mikey, it's hell. So before the devil takes over just let me get out of here with a bit of dignity."

I take a few steps closer, stepping at the rhythm of my banging heart. "You want to die with dignity by killing yourself off? You can't die with dignity dude, who'll respect you when you're dead on the pavement? You can only live with it."

Eventually I'm next to him and in a desperate moment of anxiety I grab his arm and pull. He doesn't protest but doesn't move either. Eventually we're both sitting on the roof, facing each other in a deadly stand-off. Deadly because I know what the out-come will be if I don't get through to Jason.

"I can't do this Mike," he tells me slowly when he figures out I'm not about to leave him alone. "I'm done here. Lately all I do is awful stuff and I know it's this stupid city screwing with me. My stupid family screwing with me. It ain't fair that I beat up kids because I'm too drunk to know what I'm doing. I want to get out before the name Diablo becomes more than just a stupid nickname."

"Wait a minute dude," I say, catching his attention. "First, Diablo isn't a stupid name, I think it's cool." I give him a tender smile and he tries to return in through the deep frown of sorrow that is still on his face. "And I promise, living in misery sucks marginally less than dying in it. You wouldn't want to die feeling like this, right? If you can get through this maybe things will get better. You can always die if you want to, dying first and then regretting it, now that's sad."

He still doesn't look at me but I think his resolve is breaking. "You're maybe right but I still don't got anywhere to go. There's no point of staying here, this place sucks! And the worst is, the best thing that has ever happened in my life is _you._ " He points at me roughly. "Some random talking turtle-dude just sitting here and listening for once while I'm friggin' trying to die!"

He stands up but doesn't walk off and doesn't get any closer to the edge. He just stands there, unsure of what to do with himself. I can see he fights his inner battles and I know he tries to be someone he's not. He isn't strong, he's a scared kid. I've been that kid numerous times and I know how that feels. For me, my family was always there when I cried and I want to help him out too. He deserves someone like that.

"Everything sucks, buddy," I tell him, grinning. Not because I feel like it but because I want to prove a point. "Might as well find something to smile about. C'mon, I'm sure not everything is as bad as you make it. You're a good friend, you know Jason? At least I've had fun with you tonight. I think you make yourself sound worse than you really are. And think of it this way, if this is the worst day of your life, thinks can only get better, right?"

I stand up too and try to place a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't shrug it off and I'm glad for that. Maybe I'm really getting through to him.

"It just isn't fair. I've looked around and all I see is shit and fucked-up lives. Even you. I know you've seen stuff you shouldn't have seen. You aren't even an adult and yet you try to take the responsibility on your shoulders to keep everyone safe. It isn't fair, we aren't fucking up, they are. The adults are! And I can't stand seeing that anymore. Sorry Mikey."

Before I know it he throws a hand full of gravel in my eyes. How he got a hold of it I will never know, I probably was to distracted by listening to his story. A mistake I'll pay for.

When my visions clears Jason is standing in the same place I found him before. However, now his eyes are on me and there is no way I can do the same trick again without having him jump down first.

"I want to have the thing I was never given – a choice."

I shake my head in disbelief when I see tears streaming down the tough boy's face. He locks eyes with me and his gaze is fixing me in my place. I can't move, I can't speak, I can't even breathe.

"See you in another life, brother."

The moment he jumps, time seems to restore itself. I run after him so fast and dive over the edge without a second of thought. My body moves naturally, my eyes only on the boy who is falling much faster than I am while my hands fumble with the grappling hook in my belt. One hand throws the end of our safety line back up onto the roof, the flukes hooking themselves on the edge where we just stood. I reach down with my hand to grab a shoe, a hand-full of t-shirt, maybe even a bunch of hair. Anything, but he is too far out of reach. The rest I can remember is a searing pain when the rope in my hand straightens out and wrenches my shoulder. And a sickening thud all the way down on the streets.

His name dies on my lips and salty tears travel down my face when I see a dark red flow over the pavement so far down. _I was too late._ The sentence keeps sounding through my mind when I numbly climb back up, knowing that at some point someone will notice the dead boy in the alley and maybe call an ambulance if he or she is sober enough.

I wait on the rooftop when that happens somewhere near dawn. My phone has been buzzing constantly but I haven't paid it any attention until my friend is concealed by a body bag. When he is gone I stand up and call my family to tell them I'm alright and coming back to the lair.

Before I leave though, I move down into the alley. I try to not look at the large pool of blood when I tape the white letter with Jason's last words to the wall. Maybe his family will at least regret what they've done when they read it.

Then I leave, disappearing like I always do when daylight comes.

 **Don't go writing angry reviews just yet, click on the second chapter first, kay? It'll probably make you feel better.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, did I get anyone to cry yet? Well, here's some kind of apology in the form of sweet bro-fluff. Originally I had wanted to make this a one-shot but when I killed of Jason like that I just couldn't anymore. It was too awful and made me sad**

 **So here is the second part of this story, I hope you enjoy it!**

There's someone to catch you as you fall

It isn't unusual for Mikey to sometimes need to get away from people and stay by himself for a bit. It's extremely rare, but it has happened before. And why wouldn't he? Even the social goofball of the family needs his privacy every once in a while. What I have a problem with though, is that he isn't only _walking_ out of the lair with his skateboard clutched _in his hand_ , trudging with his head casted down like Master Splinter told him he can never have a pizza anymore, but that he also hasn't told any of us where he is going. He never leaves without permission.

The last couple of weeks the kid has been acting strange. At first I didn't really notice, he still plays his pranks, makes stupid jokes and pushes my buttons just to get me to chase him. But lately everything he does seems forced, as if he's got to do it like it's a job, a commitment. I also noticed he's been scarily good in practise, even beating Leo and me both when sparring. He's been paying attention at meditation too and he's asked Leo for extra sessions together. None of us have really called him out on any of this though, it's nice to see a more mature side of him. He isn't doing anything stupid or dangerous either so we let him be. If he's troubled he would talk to us anyways, right?

Going out on his own though, when he's in this kind of a mood, it has me a little worried. So I do what any older brother would do in such a situation, I follow my baby bro ninja-style. It's a lot easier than I had anticipated, the squirt hardly pays attention to his surroundings. As if all the extra training he's been doing lately is thrown out of the window just like that. He splashes through the dirty sewage, dragging his board with him like he doesn't care about it at all. He must really be in a bad mood to not pay attention to one of his most prized possessions being drenched in the filthy stuff.

I follow him along, not too concerned with his safety at first, I'm here to look out for him after all and it isn't like there are a lot of dangers in the sewers. Not when you know what to look out for and you've lived here for your whole life. But when he leaves his skateboard leaning against a sewer wall and numbly climbs up a ladder leading topside, I can't help but facepalm. The little nutjob, why would he be so stupid as to go up top without any back-up? He knows both Master Splinter and Leo will have his shell when they find out. That is, if the Kraang, Foot or some crazed-out mutant won't have a go at him first.

When I stealthily crawl out of the manhole Mikey is long gone of course. He obviously had a certain destination to go because he didn't hesitate at any of the turns he took in the sewers. I wonder what it is though, there aren't any special places of Mikey's above ground that I know of.

I take the fire-escape to the first building I lay my eyes on, hoping to catch a glimpse of him when I'm on higher ground. It sort of works, not taking into account the fact that he finds me first.

"Raph? What are you doing here?"

I almost crash back down into the alley at the voice coming out of nowhere. I manage to keep my balance well enough but the weird movement with my legs and arms must have looked ridiculous.

Mikey is sitting above me, on top of a water tower and somewhat concealed in the shadows. He stares down at me with a blank expression I'm not used to. Not from him, anyways. I half-heartedly glare back for scaring me out of my shell but either he doesn't notice or doesn't care. Which isn't like him at all, he loves to make fun of one of my clumsier moments.

"I could ask you the same, Pestobrain. Why the hell did you think it would be a good idea to go up top on your own, huh? And for what? Stargazing?"

He shrugs and turns back around, ignoring me completely. It annoys me so badly for a moment I think of turning my back and get down again. I didn't waste my time just to be ignored by the little brat. And really, I know this is stupid and that I _shouldn't_ be here, giving into his obvious cries for attention, but I jump onto the roof anyways. There's something I need to figure out first. I take a place next to him but still with some space in between us.

He doesn't say anything but I notice how my presence makes him tense up a bit. It's strange really. He doesn't even look like Mikey anymore now he's staying still long enough for me to actually see him from up close. I can see the small birth-mark on his shoulder, the freckles dotting his skin and ugly scars covering his plastron. Some of those are also on his skin but Don makes sure those wounds are taken care of so they often don't leave any lasting marks. Plastrons are hard though and every scratch will stay there forever, reminding any of us how lucky we are to have them as a protection. Without, the small hole in the back of my youngest brother's shell would be a bullet straight in his heart.

I stare at my baby brother again, wondering why he is so quiet. He doesn't talk to me, blabbering about the most insane things and throwing a hundred words a second my way. Only sighs a couple of times. I like it I think. It's a side I haven't seen of him yet. To have him this calm and controlled makes me wonder if he isn't more like our older brother Leo after all. It's weird too though, because there's this eeriness around him that creeps me out. He isn't supposed to be like this. It's not like my little brother at all.

"Are you alright? I mean, you haven't told me why yer here, yet."

Mikey is always so easy to talk to but for some reason he makes me nervous this time. He doesn't even look at me when he answers, just keeps on staring in front of him. Now I think of it, it's like he's waiting for someone to come or something to happen.

"I like it here."

I frown a little at his four-word-answer. Not a series of millions of reasons like how he believes E.T. will fly by at some point and that he wants to be there to see it or that he is sure if he waits long enough someone will drop a still warm pizza for him he can eat for free because he has run out of pocket money again and we're sick of having pizza all the time. Or maybe that he's patrolling the city like _Batman_ does because he keeps holding onto the superhero-job he feels so passionate about. Nope, nothing like that. Just those four words.

And they don't even make sense. There hardly is a view because of a humongous skyscraper in front of us and the smog filling up the air. In the streets below there are some run-down apartment buildings, the only people scurrying around down there being the ones that are either high or drunk. Or both. One of the darker parts of the city and it worries me that Mikey apparently has sat here on his own more often. He knew exactly which manhole to take and he seems to be comfortable enough on here, knowing where to sit to have himself concealed from the people down there.

"How could you like this place, it's filthy."

He slightly reacts to the word 'filthy', wincing a little when I spit it out like venom. He and I both know I mean more than just the streets littered with trash. The people here, they're nothing but scum, we've had enough encounters with them. They're hardly worth a fight. Mostly they try to steal something, anything to get money for their next fix while high already. The only thing we got to do is tie them up and wait for the cops to get them.

I never feel that bad for people like that really, they screwed their lives over themselves, right? Better lock them up somewhere long enough for them to get sobered up or have them in some gutter choking in their own vomit for all I care. Master Splinter always says every human being deserves the same treatment as the rest. But this is just vermin, disgusting and despicable animals with only one thing on their mind, their addiction. I've seen it often enough and I know how it affects my brothers, especially my youngest two. It hurts them to see what humans can do to themselves. That's what I hate so much about them. They don't deserve pity from anyone. They dig themselves their own graves and everyone who reaches out to help them, is dragged along with them. And yet we save them daily only to be rewarded with the need to hide the bigger part of a day and only come out at night to risk our lives.

It's the reason why I try so hard to keep my temper in check. If I make a mistake I know it'll not only be me who pays for it. My brothers and I are too close to let each other go and if something bad happens, it'll be my fault when they're dragged along with me. And most of the time I have that self-control. They don't, they let their lives being ruined by the poison that is either drugs or alcohol.

"How do you know they're all bad down there?"

I tilt my head a little to look at him but his gaze is still focused on the streets below. What is it with him lately? He's been so obnoxious with the pranking, like he's overcompensating. But at the same time he hardly talks anymore, not at dinner, not to Donnie while bugging him out of his lab, not to me when we're watching a movie. He's been training like the perfect little student for weeks, making both Master Splinter and Leo proud. But a second later he sits here next to me, asking me questions a little kid would ask when he doesn't understand the world yet.

"C'mon Mike, you know they're all scum. They've done this to themselves. They could've made the right choices but they didn't. We've seen this before."

He nods through the explanation, like I'm clarifying something for him he already knows. He fumbles a little with his wrist wraps before he looks up at me, shocking me when there are small teardrops gathering in the corners of his eyes.

"Raph, something bad happened here. And I think it's my fault."

My mind blanks at those words. Mike, little Mikey just admitted to me he did something bad? I don't even know what to tell him so I keep quiet, inclining my head to urge him to continue. Mike can be a total drama queen at times and I wonder if he maybe makes this whole thing bigger than it actually is. I mean, it's Mikey we're talking about. The goofball's got a heart of gold.

"I didn't stop it," he almost sobs now. "I wasn't fast enough and… _falling_."

It doesn't make any sense to me but that happens often. Sometimes Mikey's mind goes faster than he can form words and especially when he is upset, those words can come out all jumbled without a clear beginning our end.

He's having a hard time to keep his composure, I can see it the way he's taking deep breaths and how they hitch when he exhales. Hesitantly I place my hand on his shoulder. It isn't often one of us needs to comfort him. We used to, when we were little. We're eighteen now and ninjas on top of that, we're supposed to be able to take care of ourselves. Even with the troubling lives we lead. On the other hand, Mikey has always had a special place in our hearts. We can't leave him alone to deal with something that obviously upsets him so badly he feels like he has to run away from us.

"Why were ya falling, Mike?" I ask him softly, figuring asking questions is the best way to get the story out of him. Although, with the haunted look he sends my way, I wonder if I want to hear this at all.

"I wasn't… he… I am now, I think," he takes a few breaths more, taking comfort in the squeezing of my hand on his shoulder. He flashes a small smile my way before adverting his eyes back towards the streets.

"Can I tell you a story, Raph? Because something happened here. But you have to promise that you won't hate me, I don't want that."

For just a moment I worry if Mikey maybe hit his head and that he's talking nonsense, but I dismiss the thought. The pain shimmering in his eyes is too real. The shivering when he said the word 'hate' as well. It sends me on edge how closed-down and secretive my younger brother suddenly has become. If it wasn't for the shell, green skin, his loyal nunchaku on both sides and an orange bandanna wrapped around his head, I wouldn't even think I was talking to Michelangelo right now.

"As if I would ever hate you. Listen to me, Mike. You've been acting really weird lately and I want to know why. I am not gonna judge you or anything so just tell me, alright? And it better be the truth because you're the worst liar of New York," I smirk.

It earns me a giggle but it's nothing like the light-hearted sound that always bounces of the sewer walls at home. I look over at the slumped figure besides me and notice my hand is still on his arm. Yet something tells me not to pull it away so I leave it there when he starts to talk.

"Well, it happened a couple of weeks ago. We were playing ninjatag again and I got a little side-tracked I think. Somehow I ended up here and I thought the water tower would be a good hiding place."

I glare at him a little because he knows fully well how we all feel about these places. They're the underworld of New York and Leo had already made clear in our first year topside that none of us could ever go out here on our own.

"I hadn't really paid attention to where I was exactly, okay," he mumbles, his cheeks reddening a little in embarrassment. Suddenly the faint blush disappears, a frown taking over his previous blank face. "That was actually my first screw-up that day."

The rest of the story is long and full of emotions. He starts out slowly, a smile gracing his face when he tells me about the meeting and the chat after. But the story doesn't remain this light. Sometimes Mikey screams, like when he tells me about what Jason's family had done to him, other times he sobs. When he tells me Jason's last words he whispers them fast, like he wants to spit them out before they can leave an acidic taste in his mouth.

Throughout the story I don't interrupt him once, not even to lecture him on exposing himself to a human, endangering himself and giving the kid all kinds of information on our family even though most of it was trivial. I just listen because I know it's what Mikey needs from me at the moment. When he is done talking, he cries quietly and I still don't say a thing. I want Mike to calm down a bit first. I can only imagine the pain that he must be feeling.

We're sitting in silence for quite some time after that. My younger brother takes deep and even breaths. Somewhere during the story his head was placed on my shoulder and my arm wrapped around him. I don't have the heart to pull away.

"Mikey," I eventually say, my voice smaller than I mean it to be. I don't like feeling vulnerable and neither is the whole comforting-big-brother-role something I'm good at. But for now, I don't have much of a choice. I can't leave Mikey here alone, dealing with this himself. And taking him back to the lair and forcing him to talk to the rest of our family will only make him more shut-down.

"You can't blame yourself for his death. It wasn't your fault." It's stupid to say really but it's the only thing I can come up with. For the smallest second I think that a simple sentence like that will make everything right again. Quickly after that though, I realize I'm an idiot at times, probably even a bigger one than Casey and Mikey combined.

"That's the point!" In a fit of anger he pulls away. "I was there on time, I got through to him, I did everything right!"

His shoulders slump a little, his head hanging low. He looks like a kicked dog. "I did my best. He died anyway."

I put both elbows on my knees and rest my chin in my hands, glaring at the streets below. I'm not good at this, I have no idea what to say to him. It's that stupid kid's fault, that Jason. He hurt my bro and if he would be walking still, I woulda killed him myself. Not really of course, everything would have been different if my brother's new friend would still be alive. The point is that I'm not good with words. Mikey is and otherwise it's Leo. Even Donnie can make it onto that list if he lets go of the geeky-stuff when he tries to comfort someone.

But me, I'm all muscle. I beat up the ones who dare to hurt my brothers and keep them safe when someone plans on touching them. It's what I'm good at and Don and Mike rely on me for doing just that. In this case there is no one to beat the crap out though, and there is nothing to keep Mikey safe from. There's only a broken little brother who needs to be told the right thing to get his head on straight. If only I know what those words are.

"Isn't that enough?" I ask him eventually, trying to understand where his guilt comes from. "You tried Mike, you can't always win. It wasn't like you killed him, he jumped off himself."

My heart clenches when his head shakes no. He chokes back on another sob but that doesn't stop the tears streaming down his face. I press him back against my side, unsure what else to do.

"He got pushed, Raphie. Maybe not physically but he still got pushed. His family was so bad, his dad kicked him out and his mom and sister left him alone. It isn't fair, he didn't deserve that."

"People don't get what they deserve, lil' bro," I tell him gruffly. "They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about that."

 _Take that from me,_ I silently add. My family is the perfect example of 'people' who never get what they deserve. And no matter how hard Master Splinter tried to give us the best lives possible, we never got what we _deserved_.

"Why are you sitting here?" I ask him when he doesn't reply. "I know it isn't because you like it here. Man, after everything you've told me I'm surprised you can even stand it to see this place without a complete break-down."

He shrugs his shoulders, his left arm brushing against my plastron where I have it trapped in a crushing hold. I know Mikey always feels better when he's close to one of us. It reminds him where he belongs.

"If I wait here, maybe I can catch someone else," he mumbles, hiding his face from me as if embarrassed. I know that's the last emotion that should be going through him right now but it makes me feel a little warmer anyways. That's more like the Mikey I know. What he says too. Only someone like him would have a reason so simple yet so complicated. He must know the chance of someone coming to this roof again to commit suicide is slim but it makes him feel better that he will be there when something like that _does_ make a return appearance.

"You can't keep coming here, Mike. You want to spent the rest of your life waiting for someone else to come to a decision Jason did? It'll only hurt you more if you see someone as broken as he was again. Shit happens, little bro, you can't save everyone from it. Especially when a part of the pain is self-inflicted."

"Then what do you expect me to do?" His voice is so child-like and hopeful. He notices too and scowls. "You want me to forget about all of this? Safe someone else so I forget what a screw-up I am for letting Jason fall?"

I let go of a deep sigh and pull him back against me. For some reason he is calmer when pressed against my solid-hard plastron. His breathing evens out again, even though it should be more difficult to inhale while being smothered by me.

"No," I say firmly. "Honestly, I expect you to do what you always do. I expect you to make a joke and move on. I expect you to be just fine."

"I know you can't though, because you're still hurting. So you gotta let me take care of you for a little while. Do something fun with the rest of us, stay clear from places like this for a couple of months. Get your act back together. It's your only option."

He relaxes a little more, probably because he knows I'm not holding anything of what happened against him. Maybe also because he knows he doesn't have to do this on his own anymore.

"What do I do if my only option doesn't work?" He asks it like he doesn't want to believe what I just told him.

"You don't give up," I tell him and the twinkle in his eyes tells me soon everything will be right as rain again. Maybe not for now, but soon.

Mikey had been right, he was falling, just like Jason. But unlike that poor kid, my little brother has a family that stands at the bottom to catch him in their arms. And never did it feel so good to have him just there, safely tucked against me when I give his sleeping form a piggy-back-ride back home.

 _The universe has its way of course-correcting._

 **Thank you very much everyone, for reading this insanely long story. I hope everyone liked it and before I forget it,** _ **again**_ **, I hardly own anything in this story, just Jason and the plot. I probably ain't going to make a lot of money from just that so don't sue me or anything! I need my money to go to America!**

 **See ya all guys and thanks for reading!**

 **P.S. if you had the time to read this whole thing I bet you have time to leave a review as well so no excuses for not doing that ;p**

 **P.P.S. you don't have to understand that last sentence, I just needed it there because I know the meaning and to me it fits. I couldn't leave it out.**


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